Make It Play, Never Work

 

            The first rule of parenting is to love your child. That's a given. Maybe the next rule is to protect your child from dangers and disease. But a close third would have to be this one:

           

            Keep childhood fun!

 

            Keep the focus on play. Never, ever, make life "work" for a child. Never, ever, put pressure on him or her to learn things. If it isn't fun and interesting, it isn't worth doing. And that goes for books: offer to read to your child, but if he or she wants to wiggle away and do something else, so be it. Smile! Hakuna matata!

 

            Some children have a temperament that really draws them to books at an early age. Others do not. If you have one of the latter, don't force reading on him or her. You'll be glad you did.

 

            Remember to always keep your reading sessions brief - even five minutes will do for a young child. Let your child's interest and comfort level signal when it's time to go longer.

 

            Children who have grown up in homes where parents haven't pushed too much learning on them grow up to be adults with more creativity, confidence and academic success. They like school more, too. Smart parents step back and let the child's own interests and desires lead the way on books and blocks and games and toys. It pays to play!

 

            However, there's a high degree of parental anxiety these days to leave play behind and create a "workaholic childhood" for children. It's probably because of all the pressure to get our children into top preschools and K-12 schools. Parents are urged to help their children get learning habits that will yield good grades and high standardized test scores, so that they'll get all the opportunities and "perks" in terms of college admissions and careers.

 

            But the "birth to 3" movement, which claims that the lion's share of brain development takes place before age 3, and therefore we need to cram as much information and "skills" into those little minds as we can, as early as we can, is basically false.

 

            Plenty of key brain development takes place after age 3. But putting a young child through a full-court press of daily learning activities - stories, songs, TV, games, dances, puzzles, arts and crafts - is likely to wear out both the child and the parent.

 

            And boy, do some parents and, now, increasingly, schools, go overboard on the "keeping up with the Joneses" philosophy of early childhood education. You cringe when you hear about parents doing flash cards with their 3-year-olds, and playing classical music 24/7, and insisting on reading to the child for an hour a day whether the child wants to or not. You shake your head when you hear of school-based preschools doing highly inappropriate things like worksheets and math drills for itty bitties.

 

            It is very important to let your child be a child - to be free to explore, or not - to play-act, or not - to listen to you read a story, or not. The bottom line is, always have books available for your child, but don't push them on him or her. Always offer to read to your child, but don't get upset if he or she would rather do something else.

 

            Keep the tone light, keep your lap warm, let your love for your child help you relax and enjoy these years. And you will very likely reap the benefits of having a child who loves reading and loves books. Why?  Because they had a mom and dad smart enough to let them fall in love with reading for themselves.

 

Homework: For a plea for less stressful parenting, see the book, Reclaiming Childhood: Letting Children Be Children in Our Achievement-Oriented Society by William Crain.