Make It Play, Never
Work
The first rule of parenting is to
love your child. That's a given. Maybe the next rule is to protect your child
from dangers and disease. But a close third would have to be this one:
Keep childhood fun!
Keep the focus on play. Never, ever,
make life "work" for a child. Never, ever, put pressure on him or her to learn
things. If it isn't fun and interesting, it isn't worth doing. And that goes
for books: offer to read to your child, but if he or she wants to wiggle away
and do something else, so be it. Smile! Hakuna matata!
Some children have a temperament
that really draws them to books at an early age. Others do not. If you have one
of the latter, don't force reading on him or her. You'll be glad you did.
Remember to always keep your reading
sessions brief - even five minutes will do for a young child. Let your child's
interest and comfort level signal when it's time to go longer.
Children who have grown up in homes
where parents haven't pushed too much learning on them grow up to be adults
with more creativity, confidence and academic success. They like school more,
too. Smart parents step back and let the child's own interests and desires lead
the way on books and blocks and games and toys. It pays to play!
However, there's a high degree of
parental anxiety these days to leave play behind and create a "workaholic
childhood" for children. It's probably because of all the pressure to get our
children into top preschools and K-12 schools. Parents are urged to help their
children get learning habits that will yield good grades and high standardized
test scores, so that they'll get all the opportunities and "perks" in terms of
college admissions and careers.
But the "birth to 3" movement, which
claims that the lion's share of brain development takes place before age 3, and
therefore we need to cram as much information and "skills" into those little
minds as we can, as early as we can, is basically false.
Plenty of key brain development
takes place after age 3. But putting a young child through a full-court press
of daily learning activities - stories, songs, TV, games, dances, puzzles, arts
and crafts - is likely to wear out both the child and the parent.
And boy, do some parents and, now,
increasingly, schools, go overboard on the "keeping up with the Joneses"
philosophy of early childhood education. You cringe when you hear about parents
doing flash cards with their 3-year-olds, and playing classical music 24/7, and
insisting on reading to the child for an hour a day whether the child wants to
or not. You shake your head when you hear of school-based preschools doing
highly inappropriate things like worksheets and math drills for itty bitties.
It is very important to let your
child be a child - to be free to explore, or not - to play-act, or not - to
listen to you read a story, or not. The bottom line is, always have books
available for your child, but don't push them on him or her. Always offer to
read to your child, but don't get upset if he or she would rather do something
else.
Keep the tone light, keep your lap
warm, let your love for your child help you relax and enjoy these years. And
you will very likely reap the benefits of having a child who loves reading and
loves books. Why? Because they had a
mom and dad smart enough to let them fall in love with reading for themselves.
Homework: For a plea for less stressful
parenting, see the book, Reclaiming
Childhood: Letting Children Be Children in Our Achievement-Oriented Society
by William Crain.
