Acing Your Conference

 

Q. How can I get the most out of my upcoming parent-teacher conference?

 

Meet the teacher as early in the school year as you can. Don't wait for the Open House, Curriculum Night or formal conference to start building a relationship. Schedule an appointment, drop by on an "inservice" day, or stop in before or after school. Keep your visit really short. Tell the teacher you would welcome phone calls and notes sent home.

A quick phone call in the first couple of weeks of school can be a good bridge-builder and time saver, too. Try to include a sincere compliment; teachers are starved for praise, and they mostly hear NOTHING from most parents.

Keep all input to your child's teachers at least 80% positive. Why? Because what little input teachers usually get is usually negative. Be a friend, an encourager and a shining light.

When the formal conference is scheduled, then, you can use the time much more efficiently, rather than starting off the conversation as two strangers.

Be sure to conference with your child first. What's going well? What's not? What is the teacher likely to say? What are the everyday problems - tardiness? Talking out of turn? Not finishing tests? Is anything or anybody bothering your child? What or who is helping, or not? What suggestions might work?

For the conference itself: first, be on time. Don't bring in food or drink. Have good breath!

Second, be sure to leave on time. If you aren't finished, offer to continue on the phone or by email. That shows respect for the teacher's schedule and the other parents.

Come prepared with your own agenda to talk about. Use the "Rule of Three." Come up with three issues and stick to them. Examples: Why is our child struggling in (weakest subject)? Is our child getting along well with others? What can we do at home to help our child become a better reader?

Be sure to share significant changes in your home - a family death, a divorce, an elite sports team, or maybe you decided to "divorce" your TV (!) - that may be affecting your child's progress.

At a bare minimum, you should leave the conference knowing at what grade level your child functions in math and reading.

Both mom and dad should attend, or bring a grandparent or an adult friend for an extra set of ears. Single moms: bring a male, either your dad or your brother or a neighbor. There's just something about having a man present at conferences that helps. But don't bring your child if you want honest input. This is a performance evaluation between adults.

Words teachers love: "cooperate," "help," "create," "innovate," "adapt," "make it easier."

Words they hate: "bored," "forced," "stupid," "you're not doing enough."

Don't ever argue! If the teacher says something that's very negative, flat out wrong or that makes you mad, be meek. Say, "I'm sorry you feel that way. Let's talk about that some more at a separate meeting." Offer to schedule a meeting with a third party, such as the school counselor or the principal, to continue the conversation when you've had a chance to calm down and collect the facts.

Look the teacher in the eye a lot. Smile. Nod your head. Lean toward him or her. Follow up with a thank-you note and any additional information or feedback the teacher has requested.

Bottom line: go by the Golden Rule. Make the teacher your friend . . . because the teacher is.

 

Homework: You might want to use this worksheet to bring to your conference and for follow-up:

www.learninghorizons.com/teachers/checklist.pdf